Now the evenings are drawing in
It is time to start getting sorted on those projects that are going to be needed in the run up to the Christmas preparations. Notably those items that are best made and out of the way so that you can forget about them up and before the main event as it were. Pickles, preserves, Christmas cakes etc. some homemade liqueurs, pickled eggs. Before I can get on with these though I do need to sort the understairs cupboard. It is a while since it has been painted out and the shelves tarted up. I have some vinyl in a green polka dot pattern for the shelves. Then all the new stuff can go straight into the cupboard out of the way instead of lurking and waiting for me to squeeze it into the main pantry. So that is one plan. There are a lot of jars in there as well which will need to go into the dishwasher but I am not throwing them out. I shall reuse them and then save pennies that way on.
One of the difficulties I have as the nights get darker is that despite liking the dark nights it is always a bit of a shock going from summer into autumn. As far as I know I do not suffer from SAD. OH does but the light going certainly does impact me.
Since being at home despite being busy I am getting a little despondent in that I am going round and round in circles and not really finishing things. It is getting me down. I seem to be continually firefighting and not getting to finish or accomplish anything is impacting. Haul up the Bridget Jones large knickers at this point and start concentrating on one particular job or area. I know the signs when I am getting low. Low self-esteem. When I get like this, I go into myself for a while to recharge. For my friends and associates I disappear off the face of the earth. However it is no ball game for me and something I have to work my way through. I am pretty optimistic and happy go lucky but I hate these periods. I really do. It is best for me to be on my own then to work through it until normal service can be resumed.
However what I do believe is that is for every event that touches us through our lives there is a reaction or a "not coping session". I have the "not coping" sessions every so often and I do not find them easy. I think in retrospect the bit I really do not cope with is realising that there is this stranger within me who I really do not recognise or who I particularly like very much and end up believing that I am useless.
It is the fear I do not cope with as it completely paralyses the way I think and the way I work. I am sure that I am not the only one, but like most things people if they cannot see a physical problem do not always realise that there is one. It does isolate you for a little while, but hopefully my coping mechanisms are getting better and the episodes are not as long as they used to be which is an absolute bonus as far as I am concerned.
One of the difficulties I have as the nights get darker is that despite liking the dark nights it is always a bit of a shock going from summer into autumn. As far as I know I do not suffer from SAD. OH does but the light going certainly does impact me.
Since being at home despite being busy I am getting a little despondent in that I am going round and round in circles and not really finishing things. It is getting me down. I seem to be continually firefighting and not getting to finish or accomplish anything is impacting. Haul up the Bridget Jones large knickers at this point and start concentrating on one particular job or area. I know the signs when I am getting low. Low self-esteem. When I get like this, I go into myself for a while to recharge. For my friends and associates I disappear off the face of the earth. However it is no ball game for me and something I have to work my way through. I am pretty optimistic and happy go lucky but I hate these periods. I really do. It is best for me to be on my own then to work through it until normal service can be resumed.
Sometimes I have to leave a paper trail for myself when it comes to confidence or trying to make me the best I can be or feel the best I can be. Quotes and Mantras help me a lot then and remind me that there is always someone worse off than yourself and that sometimes a conversation that you have with a complete stranger might not mean that much to you but to that person you may have given them a very special gift without realising it.
No I am not perfect - far from it but sometimes through bouts of depression, pain, plus periods of being put down through one's life come beating their way to your door I actually believe that I am not worthy. I am not the only person who does this there are many others - people who suffer in silence but under modern day interpretation and "perception" these issues are categorised under mental health issues which a lot of the time it is not. For me that is not true. I am and always have been a bit different but that is the uniqueness of me. We cannot help how we are built or how we cope with things and these days you either love me or hate me! I am getting too long in the tooth.
No I am not perfect - far from it but sometimes through bouts of depression, pain, plus periods of being put down through one's life come beating their way to your door I actually believe that I am not worthy. I am not the only person who does this there are many others - people who suffer in silence but under modern day interpretation and "perception" these issues are categorised under mental health issues which a lot of the time it is not. For me that is not true. I am and always have been a bit different but that is the uniqueness of me. We cannot help how we are built or how we cope with things and these days you either love me or hate me! I am getting too long in the tooth.
However what I do believe is that is for every event that touches us through our lives there is a reaction or a "not coping session". I have the "not coping" sessions every so often and I do not find them easy. I think in retrospect the bit I really do not cope with is realising that there is this stranger within me who I really do not recognise or who I particularly like very much and end up believing that I am useless.
It is the fear I do not cope with as it completely paralyses the way I think and the way I work. I am sure that I am not the only one, but like most things people if they cannot see a physical problem do not always realise that there is one. It does isolate you for a little while, but hopefully my coping mechanisms are getting better and the episodes are not as long as they used to be which is an absolute bonus as far as I am concerned.
I am not in the depths of depression as we speak but I know at some point it will strike again as it does for so many of us. If someone you know suffers, be kind and understanding to them. They do not seek to be a nuisance and in many instances they will tend to isolate themselves as they struggle with how they are on any particular day. This is not a personal reflection on you, just a coping mechanism in an effort to get through to the other side in one piece. When I am like this I just take one day at a time. Some days are bad, some are so-so and the best ones they are brilliant.
Catch you soon.
Pattypan
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