I started this post last night but got interrupted.
It has been very cold here today in Peterborough. Autumn has landed in a rush and I just do not know where this very peculiar year has got to. Lets just say it has passed me by a little bit to say the least. For many months I have been in my own little bubble not needing or wanting to do much just being on my own with OH which has been less stressful for me in many respects but it has thrown up other issues lack of self worth, not counting, having no real purpose. I have been trying to heal myself in a gentle fashion but also trying to re-discover who and what I am and what purpose I have to play in this mortal coil. Self-doubt and lack of confidence as well as not feeling 100% have not helped. I am a natural loner it is how I am built. Every so often I become totally overwhelmed and need space and time for myself to heal and regain some equilibrium. This is time out and something I have to do for myself for self preservation. It is about me and no one else although frequently other people do not see things this way. It is just how I am built. I am still not sure what my purpose is, but I am starting to sort out what I want to do.
I was up early this morning for a delivery and then it has been a pottering kind of day. I was up a good two hours before Oh this morning.
After the delivery I then pottered in the house sorting a few things out. However it has gone really cold again and the change in temperature always knocks me for six with some pain and feeling cold all the time. This is what happened yesterday and the rain did not help. In the end I did some recipe sorting in my folder and researching other recipes. In baby steps I am starting to organise myself a little. Still not there but each time I do a little it becomes a few steps nearer in theory.
I ended up sleeping late and could hardly move when I did get up. However have had some pain and in the end curled up on the settee with a blanket around me and ended up watching the TV. There had been advertised on the TV a remake of three episodes of Dad's Army that had been lost and had been remade as near to the originals as possible. I really enjoyed this but half of the reason the original Dad's Army series was such a success was the actors and the characters sparked off each other. However a very pleasant afternoon which in many respects took me back to my childhood.
It has been a lazy evening too and I will be early to bed as I need to be up early tomorrow as have lots to do.
Sometimes doing nothing is just what is needed. However whenever I take time out why do I always feel so guilty.
Hope everyone is well and safe.
Back to the grind tomorrow.
Catch you soon.